From the Mail Room

Aries Blake

 

I’m very encouraged by the feedback I hear from readers. Some folks appreciate the sex education information while others (I’ve been told) cream their jeans reading the erotic details. I like to share a few reader emails occasionally because their comments may hit home with other people pondering similar issues. As usual, the guys are more vocal than women, but I’m hearing from more femmes now and it’s very liberating.

Takeaways: It’s not entirely “his” fault if she doesn’t orgasm. Never give up on experiencing orgasm. For many women, it happens later in life.

A few items from the mailbag:                   

A female Twitter follower: “Love your blog, and your directness, knowledge, and honesty are refreshing. What you’re doing is so important, and I hope woman….young and old…..find their way to your blog (and of course men also). I am 60, and am only now discovering how to have vaginal orgasms, what “squirting” feels like etc. Oh I could go on and on about the difference in attitude, sexual desire/indifference at this stage of life as compared to the years raising a family.  Cheers to you for your research and ability to so eloquently share with all who are interested.” – L

Reader comment: “For most guys, we are blind to what women desire, and seriously lack in communication skills. So we turn to porn and reading blogs like your own. When it comes to women, there is still a very strong stigma saying they shouldn’t explore themselves. Or they are simply ignorant to find out there is more to their sexuality than they think.” – F

A male swinger, wrote: “My initial reaction to the blog (Sexualista) was: wow! Here is a brave soul. Someone willing to write (which, in itself is a bold step) candidly on a subject that most people want to ignore. Many people can write about sex, but usually that slides into erotica. While that is useful and fun, it is not completely honest. And I appreciate your honesty.

“I also appreciate your quest for orgasm and the quest to educate others about it. It really is a noble goal (and could be a ton fun trying to achieve it!). It’s funny. I got into the (swinger) lifestyle because I love sex. But I’m beginning to realize that the bigger motivation is to learn how to please a woman and to explore my kinks, and sexuality.

“It was always easy to blame lack of sex at home on my wife’s low sex drive. But if I enjoy sex so much, why isn’t my wife? Probably because it’s not worth her time and that is where I come in. I need to be better. Open her world. Show her possibilities. Push her to incredible limits, and beyond.

“It is so hard, however, because my wife – and other lovers – don’t want to hurt me. They’ll tell me I was wonderful. I was great. But the truth is they are being nice and it’s not helping anyone. I love to please. Love it. If two people are engaged in hot, erotic, sweaty sex that brings them both to mind blowing orgasm, everyone’s happy, right? So, therefore, I appreciate your blog. It speaks the truth I am seeking.” – G

Frequently quoted reader: I see you have added to your Valkyrie blog. It is absolutely fantastic and erotic… I also have much admiration for you and your pursuit to regularly achieve orgasms. The percentage of women who can do that or are willing to pursue it must be very very small. Hopefully others will get inspiration from your endeavor.

From a man’s perspective your writing has given me valuable insight that typically is not readily discussed between partners … 1. That it isn’t necessarily my fault if I couldn’t get a woman to orgasm. It requires practice and a knowledge of their own body to achieve orgasms.

2. There’s different types of orgasm based on different stimulation. 3. The very descriptive narrative of your mind blowing orgasm in your last post provides a perspective not readily available to men, also very hot! I wouldn’t say it’s a how to, but definitely gives me ideas of where I want to experiment.

“Besides all that I love your writing style. It’s an interesting combination of education and erotica. After this topic is mastered, I look forward to your next. Want to give any hints?” – C

 ____________________________

Please post any comments you might have or send me your confidential email address – my eyes only – if you would like notification of future blog posts.

I would love to hear your suggestions for future blog topics or if you want to trade innocuous barbs, I’m all ears.  I’m happy to answer any questions you might have or just trade hot, torrid stories.

Callme@sexualista.net

 

Copyright © 2016-2017 Sexualista. All rights reserved.

Odd One Out at the Fuckfest

Before I move on to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – the journey into my orgasm groove – I’m pausing to ponder where the ladies are hiding. I’m hearing excellent feedback from the guys, but the fems are noticeably absent from the conversation. It’s frequently noted that many women guard their sex lives with armor plating and are reticent to discuss orgasm or masturbation.

Many men have similar reservations. The “sex issue,” so prevalent a flash point among couples, is a complicated thorn and a prickly pear debate. I noted earlier in Sexualista that sexual dissatisfaction is under-reported with many couples because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest. Mass media portends that orgasmic sex is the benchmark in a culture where 75 percent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex. Seventy-five percent!

Convulsing, vaginal orgasms are not the norm or even median result of sexual intercourse for three-quarters of women. With a cultural “perception” that all sex should be orgasmic, we fear being labeled “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or broken. Instead of addressing it, we consume it. We love reading or watching great sex. We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotic acts: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn.

The demands on a woman’s time and attention usually preclude any serious study of female anatomy and orgasm how-to’s. Researching G-spot stimulation and masturbation techniques rate low on the bucket list when loved ones are sick, your job sucks, or the dog’s throwing up. Without the time or inclination to research sex education and learn sexual triggers through masturbation, we’re clueless about the orgasmic process and personal sexual needs.

Speaking for many, one woman wrote: “I’m 55 and I’ve never had an orgasm. This sucks!”

The few ladies I’ve heard from report they have never achieved orgasm or they started to experience it later in life with the attention of an interested, attentive partner – a key component, they said, adding it takes time, practice, and a patient partner to help them get there.

It’s a team effort (she AND he) to achieve orgasm. It requires her eager, receptive mind and the right skills to tailor foreplay activity to stimulating her favorite lady bits. Without having a basic game plan for achieving orgasm, she’s 10th row deep at the fuckfest and not talking.

Ladies, trust me, many guys want to sexually please their partners, but you have to show up, speak up, and chart some personal exploration so you can convey with conviction what turns you on.

The gents, meanwhile, are talking. Their perspective is intuitive, sexy, and interesting. Guys I’m hearing from are attuned to women’s sexuality and like to please, but they are sometimes frustrated by women’s lack of sexual prowess, even among more sexually open fems.

A few from the guys:

“It isn’t even so much about women who are sexually open-minded as much as women who are not sexually repressing their preferences. I realize this is a matter of semantics….but to me, suppression means a woman (most women) are actively disallowing themselves to even consider what gets their pussy wet,” said P.

“I get highly turned on by a woman who has total command of her body – her wants and desires and freely expresses herself. Not afraid to say what she wants and more than willing to show me what gets her off and what turns her off,” said V.

“Having that attitude actually turns me on more, wanting to give her exactly what she needs.”

V added: “I have learned over the years when speaking with some of my friends that most guys (only) care about themselves. Basically, the “I got mine – you get yours” attitude. And we wonder why women, sooner than later, get turned off by sex.”

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED