Last fall, I wrote about my observations on the ideal alpha male and tabled the post for additional study.
The topic is too broad to address in general terms, so I picked a few categories to write about: the alpha lifestyle; the alpha lover; and the survival of the species.
I can’t wait to hear the feedback on this topic.
I’ll be back with this post soon and email subscribers will be notified. If you would like to join my email list for notices of new blog postings, send me a quick message to email@example.com. My eyes only – no spam.
Our culture hints that women are “dysfunctional and frigid” if they aren’t having orgasmic sex; yet, it’s statistically atypical and far from the norm. For women pressured with the stresses of work and family, soak-the-bed sex may be their last concern. If they’re indifferent to sex, women may be resistant and suspicious of society’s sexual overtones and propagandized hints of what they’re missing.
Women are quick to blame themselves for lack of orgasm without ever knowing the path to get there. Overall, it’s difficult to engage women in the discussion because sex education ranks low on their priority list. I hope to help change that.
“Veni vidi vici.” – Julius Caesar.
I’m writing this blog because I believe we are under-educated about sexual function and satisfaction and I’m pissed about that. A recovering anorgasmic, I’ve spent a lot of time researching and a fair amount of money subscribing to sexpert advice products learning how to achieve orgasm. It’s not rocket science, but I’ve learned that achieving orgasm for women requires education, personal masturbation, and a patient, willing partner.
I believe that sexual dissatisfaction is grossly under-reported because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest portrayed in popular media.
I believe that sexual dissatisfaction is grossly under-reported because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest portrayed in popular media. Pop culture, erotica, and porn portends that everyone’s having incredible orgasmic sex when statistical studies belie the notion.
I’ve proven to myself that chronic anorgasmia is a reversible condition, given the eagerness to learn and a good set of how-to skills. The internet is rife with pertinent sex education and well-intentioned but editorialized advice. Sex is subjective and only empirical to you. There are no cookie-cutter solutions to achieve orgasm, as all women respond differently, but I suggest following tried and tested methods that seem to work for most women.
I intend to write about these subjects, not as an academic, but to subjectively funnel what I’ve learned along the way, e.g., what worked for one sexually repressed, stressed out middle-aged woman.
And, I’m going to jazz things up a bit with seedy, shameful stories of my sexcapades as a blatant satirist preoccupied with a Phyllis Diller complex.
COPYRIGHT © 2018 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
I’m flushing details on some interesting content coming this fall. I’m soliciting guest posts from readers, I have some educational material about female orgasm, and I’ll add a few sprinkles from the fall spice cabinet.
I hear many stories from the guys about how they love to try and please their partners sexually, but the ladies aren’t speaking up about what they like. Oftentimes, guys feel like they are “winging it,” hoping she’s enjoying the encounter without really knowing for certain what she likes.
In an earlier post, I discussed how important it is for the ladies to first learn what turns them on through personal masturbation, then communicate these goodies to their partners. Women are 50 percent responsible for their own pleasure. You can’t knock the guys for trying, and having to “wing it” as one reader suggests. Stay tuned for one reader’s perspective on this.
I’m also working on a post about why some women don’t like receiving oral sex and I’m soliciting reader comment on this topic. Please email me at Callme@Sexualista.net or AriesBlake4@gmail.com with any thoughts or comments you have on these topics.
I’ve been holding out on this topic, but it’s time to delve into some Lifestyle material …. you know, those wild Swingers who appear as foreign, scary types to many vanilla folks. They are your neighbors, your parents, your best friends, and the kids’ coach. The swinging lifestyle is HUGE in this country and gaining popularity every year as more couples experiment with non-monogamy and enjoy thrilling sex lives.
As I reorganize my fall lineup, I hope you’ll stick around for all the fun, mayhem, and hopefully, enjoyable meaningful content for you.
As always, my email mailbox welcomes your comments and suggestions! If you want to be notified of new blog posts, please send me your email address for my mailing list. My eyes only – no spam!
Sexualista – No Secrets is now listed on Kinkly.com as one of their “Top Sex Blogs on the Web!” You might enjoy browsing the numerous sex blogs listed in the site’s Sex Blog Directory. I’m thrilled to be a part of a growing community of sex-positive bloggers trying to fuel a modern sexual revolution.
If you enjoy my blog, would you consider voting for it in the Sex Blog Superheroes contest on Kinkly.com? Many thanks for your support!
I’m very encouraged by the feedback I hear from readers. Some folks appreciate the sex education information while others (I’ve been told) cream their jeans reading the erotic details. I like to share a few reader emails occasionally because their comments may hit home with other people pondering similar issues. As usual, the guys are more vocal than women, but I’m hearing from more femmes now and it’s very liberating.
Takeaways: It’s not entirely “his” fault if she doesn’t orgasm. Never give up on experiencing orgasm. For many women, it happens later in life.
A few items from the mailbag:
A female Twitter follower: “Love your blog, and your directness, knowledge, and honesty are refreshing. What you’re doing is so important, and I hope woman….young and old…..find their way to your blog (and of course men also). I am 60, and am only now discovering how to have vaginal orgasms, what “squirting” feels like etc. Oh I could go on and on about the difference in attitude, sexual desire/indifference at this stage of life as compared to the years raising a family. Cheers to you for your research and ability to so eloquently share with all who are interested.” – L
Reader comment: “For most guys, we are blind to what women desire, and seriously lack in communication skills. So we turn to porn and reading blogs like your own. When it comes to women, there is still a very strong stigma saying they shouldn’t explore themselves. Or they are simply ignorant to find out there is more to their sexuality than they think.” – F
A male swinger, wrote: “My initial reaction to the blog (Sexualista) was: wow! Here is a brave soul. Someone willing to write (which, in itself is a bold step) candidly on a subject that most people want to ignore. Many people can write about sex, but usually that slides into erotica. While that is useful and fun, it is not completely honest. And I appreciate your honesty.
“I also appreciate your quest for orgasm and the quest to educate others about it. It really is a noble goal (and could be a ton fun trying to achieve it!). It’s funny. I got into the (swinger) lifestyle because I love sex. But I’m beginning to realize that the bigger motivation is to learn how to please a woman and to explore my kinks, and sexuality.
“It was always easy to blame lack of sex at home on my wife’s low sex drive. But if I enjoy sex so much, why isn’t my wife? Probably because it’s not worth her time and that is where I come in. I need to be better. Open her world. Show her possibilities. Push her to incredible limits, and beyond.
“It is so hard, however, because my wife – and other lovers – don’t want to hurt me. They’ll tell me I was wonderful. I was great. But the truth is they are being nice and it’s not helping anyone. I love to please. Love it. If two people are engaged in hot, erotic, sweaty sex that brings them both to mind blowing orgasm, everyone’s happy, right? So, therefore, I appreciate your blog. It speaks the truth I am seeking.” – G
Frequently quoted reader: “I see you have added to your Valkyrie blog. It is absolutely fantastic and erotic… I also have much admiration for you and your pursuit to regularly achieve orgasms. The percentage of women who can do that or are willing to pursue it must be very very small. Hopefully others will get inspiration from your endeavor.
“From a man’s perspective your writing has given me valuable insight that typically is not readily discussed between partners … 1. That it isn’t necessarily my fault if I couldn’t get a woman to orgasm. It requires practice and a knowledge of their own body to achieve orgasms.
2. There’s different types of orgasm based on different stimulation. 3. The very descriptive narrative of your mind blowing orgasm in your last post provides a perspective not readily available to men, also very hot! I wouldn’t say it’s a how to, but definitely gives me ideas of where I want to experiment.
“Besides all that I love your writing style. It’s an interesting combination of education and erotica. After this topic is mastered, I look forward to your next. Want to give any hints?” – C
Please post any comments you might have or send me your confidential email address – my eyes only – if you would like notification of future blog posts.
I would love to hear your suggestions for future blog topics or if you want to trade innocuous barbs, I’m all ears. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have or just trade hot, torrid stories.
Copyright © 2016-2017 Sexualista. All rights reserved.
As I said, locating, stimulating, and engaging my G-Spot was the epiphany from which all future fucks would be measured. It was through personal masturbation that I found my spot and from there, transitioned into squirting and full-body vaginal orgasms. Orgasm was a personal quest for me – it wasn’t easy. I spent countless hours researching the net, subscribing to sexpert how-to’s, and ultimately benefiting from the patience and persistence of my long-suffering hubby.
For those few women blessed by the sex gods, orgasm “cums” easily. It must be heavenly ordained, intricately woven into their lady bits, chosen by Venus herself to experience the ultimate sexual pleasure. Statistically, a measly 25 percent of women orgasm from penetrative intercourse, and those lucky goddesses usually need clitoral stimulation to get there. Translation: seventy-five percent of women DO NOT orgasm from vaginal sex, according to published studies.
Can you imagine a more disturbing rip-off? Eve, the first bitch of Genesis, is likely to blame for the ultimate ruination of the innate ability for women to orgasm. God snapped his fingers, and poof! Women were figuratively fucked: a wretched crime against humanity surely. I’ve read that nearly half of all relationships suffer from sexual dissatisfaction, and the solution seems out of reach for many couples.
Sexual orgasm is the final frontier for women and their partners. I’m working on a future post about an interesting study involving chronically anorgasmic women. Using therapeutic interventions championed by a pioneering sex therapist, Betty Dodson, some 93 percent of those 550 female participants achieved orgasm during the study. You don’t want to miss this fascinating research.
Getting to the Point
Long story short, this rant grew from a companion post about personal masturbation and my sex chair. Next post: I get raunchy again.
COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Coming this week is the second installment of my Masturbation Odyssey, this time focusing on the discovery of my very own G-spot: that erogenous pleasure zone that transforms masturbation and sex into orgasm. If you don’t “do” the G-spot, it’s unlikely that you are having vaginal orgasms, unless you are stimulating a deeper spot of the vagina.
Some doubt its existence, some doubt its importance, but to remain indifferent to the G-spot is to have never discovered it. If you take anything away from Sexualista, I hope it’s an animalistic desire to awaken and trigger this elusive spot of the female anatomy. Every woman deserves this sexual pleasure, but some homework of the masturbation kind is required.
Meantime, I’d like to share a few of my posts on Twitter.com as Sexualista1. Twitter affords me an opportunity to post little snippets of what I’m reading or thinking about on any given day. Too many topics to possibly blog about, so tapping out brief tweets keeps the conversation moving. I hope to stand out from the sexpack, rather than wither away like uninspired oral sex. A few of my recent tweets follow:
Chivalrous guys are a modern marvel and hot as hell. It pays to be a damsel in a tight dress.
We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotica: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn. We orgasm vicariously.
A confident alpha male will win the girl. Women anticipate satisfying sex with assertive guys and can’t resist their charms.
A full-body vaginal orgasm convulses the entire core of a woman’s body, causing involuntary spasms and constricts the vagina and the anus.
Reports say sexual dissatisfaction ruins nearly half of all marriages and leads to infidelity in 50% of relationships. Join the conversation.
“…people are in denial of their sexual issues, so the first step to overcoming your sexual repression is to admit it…” – Eyal Matsliah
Most people want to please their sexual partners, but you have to show up and speak up about what turns you on.
No two women will define orgasm the same – women explain it according to their experience and cultural conditioning.
There are few things more pleasurable that tracing your clit with a powerful vibrator then squealing and squirting in rapture! Wow!
Seduce her so well that sucking your cock is HER idea. Never shove it in her face unless you’re the sex god who can make her cum. Boorish.
A sexy, seductive woman is a lovely, feminine creature to watch. She is confident, fearless, and moves like a ballet in your soul.
With a cultural perception that sex should be orgasmic, we fear a label of “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or “broken”.
A silent partner works in the business world, but it’s a turn-off during sex. Subtle moaning is very sensuous and arousing. Make some noise.
Sexperts assume that women are naturally open to orgasmic stimulation. Transition from sexual repression to liberation is a gigantic leap.
Shopping for a vibrator is a no-brainer. Skip the battery-powered toys and splurge on a more powerful rechargeable model. Viva la orgasm!
The excruciating moment when you’re about to orgasm, and your vibrator quits. Buzzkill. Shoot me now.
Achieving orgasm is the last frontier for many women. For anorgasmic women, achieving orgasm is a pivotal experience.
Sex is subjective and only empirical to you. Question everything. Inquire. Explore. Own it.
Now that lesbianism is the hot norm, bicurious sex among straight men is the new chic. Hot topic among the liberati.
Follow me on Swinglifestyle.com
Before I move on to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – the journey into my orgasm groove – I’m pausing to ponder where the ladies are hiding. I’m hearing excellent feedback from the guys, but the fems are noticeably absent from the conversation. It’s frequently noted that many women guard their sex lives with armor plating and are reticent to discuss orgasm or masturbation.
Many men have similar reservations. The “sex issue,” so prevalent a flash point among couples, is a complicated thorn and a prickly pear debate. I noted earlier in Sexualista that sexual dissatisfaction is under-reported with many couples because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest. Mass media portends that orgasmic sex is the benchmark in a culture where 75 percent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex. Seventy-five percent!
Convulsing, vaginal orgasms are not the norm or even median result of sexual intercourse for three-quarters of women. With a cultural “perception” that all sex should be orgasmic, we fear being labeled “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or broken. Instead of addressing it, we consume it. We love reading or watching great sex. We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotic acts: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn.
The demands on a woman’s time and attention usually preclude any serious study of female anatomy and orgasm how-to’s. Researching G-spot stimulation and masturbation techniques rate low on the bucket list when loved ones are sick, your job sucks, or the dog’s throwing up. Without the time or inclination to research sex education and learn sexual triggers through masturbation, we’re clueless about the orgasmic process and personal sexual needs.
Speaking for many, one woman wrote: “I’m 55 and I’ve never had an orgasm. This sucks!”
The few ladies I’ve heard from report they have never achieved orgasm or they started to experience it later in life with the attention of an interested, attentive partner – a key component, they said, adding it takes time, practice, and a patient partner to help them get there.
It’s a team effort (she AND he) to achieve orgasm. It requires her eager, receptive mind and the right skills to tailor foreplay activity to stimulating her favorite lady bits. Without having a basic game plan for achieving orgasm, she’s 10th row deep at the fuckfest and not talking.
Ladies, trust me, many guys want to sexually please their partners, but you have to show up, speak up, and chart some personal exploration so you can convey with conviction what turns you on.
The gents, meanwhile, are talking. Their perspective is intuitive, sexy, and interesting. Guys I’m hearing from are attuned to women’s sexuality and like to please, but they are sometimes frustrated by women’s lack of sexual prowess, even among more sexually open fems.
A few from the guys:
“It isn’t even so much about women who are sexually open-minded as much as women who are not sexually repressing their preferences. I realize this is a matter of semantics….but to me, suppression means a woman (most women) are actively disallowing themselves to even consider what gets their pussy wet,” said P.
“I get highly turned on by a woman who has total command of her body – her wants and desires and freely expresses herself. Not afraid to say what she wants and more than willing to show me what gets her off and what turns her off,” said V.
“Having that attitude actually turns me on more, wanting to give her exactly what she needs.”
V added: “I have learned over the years when speaking with some of my friends that most guys (only) care about themselves. Basically, the “I got mine – you get yours” attitude. And we wonder why women, sooner than later, get turned off by sex.”