Pleasures of the Flesh

  

Takeaway: If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

Cunnilingus – the act, the psychology, the pleasure, frustration, and the mystery – men generally like getting head, right? That scintillating touch, stroke, suck, and licking of cock, bringing your member to hard attention, salute. Stimulating thousands of penile nerve endings penetrating deep in your shaft and pulsing the head of your cock. That intense genital stimulation as a precursor to sensual sex…

We assume women also crave those deep vibrations around their vulva and clitoris, stimulating them to intense arousal and begging for penetration. When sucking or stroking a woman’s clit can produce a squealing squirting orgasm, it must be part of the sexual handbook, Foreplay 101. But despite the incredible bliss that a talented tongue and determined fingers can bring, some women just aren’t having it.

Oral Sax lamented his patented cunnilingus techniques that secured his international fame. He uses oral sex as a precursor to exotic sex which primes his partner for orgasm and cements his name among the immortal sex gods. The takeaway is that he enthusiastically enjoys pleasuring women. He attunes himself to a woman’s reaction, direction, and pulls from his bag of tricks to find what works individually.

The best lovers already know this and employ his playbook: learn the skill and adapt your methods to your partner’s likes. Women just like it that way: otherwise, they say, don’t bother.

Curiosity and memories of my own experience with oral sex led me to research female indifference toward it. The same turn-offs were mentioned so often that it’s easy to assemble a short list of grievances in order of frequency: a lover’s talent; her trust (trauma); and her self-consciousness.

“…only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh.”

Quickly dispensing with the nuisance religious angle – because only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh – did Mary experience heavenly head in her tryst with The Man? Likely censured by frustrated, celibate monks in the 8th Century, the New Testament doesn’t reveal the spiritual pleasures that earthly girl knew.

In the G-rated Bible, the divine romp was written in such nebulous terms that the colossal fuck must be taken on faith alone. To perv the event in literal terms would be lustful, unclean, and scandalous. I don’t know that the Bible makes reference to cunnilingus, but I’m betting Jezebel gave wicked head.

Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it…

However, imagine a blow job from a disinterested partner going through the motions: no eye contact; no enthusiasm; no creativity; no skills and no friction! Women express the same reaction to lame oral sex, if they even get it at all. Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it, and the result is a less than optimal sexual experience for her and diminished interest in sex with you.

But if you’re going down there, consider these points from the ladies:

Many women engage in oral sex only to please their partner. If they don’t enjoy it, they’re thinking about work, their shopping list, or another guy. A disinterested partner is an immediate turn-off and a woman will spot this faster than radar. It’s essential that she believes you enjoy her body, her scent, her essence. Without that trust, the odds of her having an orgasm just plummeted.

 

Unlike patriarchal phallic worship, girls are discouraged from  embracing their anatomy. The embarrassment of puberty, menstruation, and breast development are often rife with personal trauma and cultural shaming. A good lover intuitively knows women may be insecure about their bodies and celebrates her goddess attributes.

 

Some women refuse oral sex to avoid disappointment and embarrassment. Lame cunnilingus is irritating and an endurance chore for many women. Women with body shaming or body image concerns are self-conscious about odor or their genitalia appearance. A woman who doesn’t masturbate doesn’t know which sensations arouse her. Survivors of sexual assault/abuse or domestic violence harbor trust and shame issues which often prevent enjoyment of foreplay, oral sex, and sex in general.

 

Some women have a very sensitive clitoris and they prefer a light touch. Others are power queens and crave intense stimulation. Some like attention around their entire vulva, the clitoris, the labia, the urethral sponge, their vagina, and anus. Women are hesitant to give direction to their partners about what they like because he/she gets mad or ignores their requests. Explore, ask her what she likes, and unless you’re a Neolithic fugitive, give it to her!

 

Culturally, women are “givers” in the family and in the relationship. We focus on immediate needs and we are not used to receiving pleasure and being the focus of attention. Keep in mind that many women don’t know how to relax and “receive” foreplay and oral sex. It can be embarrassing to be the focus of attention, especially having your genitalia exposed and open to scrutiny. A key move is to help her relax and compliment her body, her pussy, her taste and scent with sincerity or dirty talk. (Hint: eye contact works wonders here!)

If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

It boils down to knowing your partner and how she responds to sex: what she likes and what she may be hesitant about. The act is a mental experience for women and she needs to trust that her partner has her best interests In mind and a sincere desire to please her. If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

The internet is loaded with oral sex and fingering techniques to improve your confidence and skills. If you want to help her surrender to foreplay, you need to master this power play to convince her she is emotionally safe to relax with you and that she will enjoy the experience.

_____________________________

Copyright 2017 - Sexualista - All rights reserved.

 

Prelude to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – The G-spot

It’s predictable, typical, ordained. Like the certainty of dawn, it happens. You’re doing the nasty while preoccupied with the dishwasher, or your crass boss. Maybe it’s an obnoxious rat terrier barking in the next yard or that fucking speeding ticket: anything, everything but orgasm. For the love of god, end this eternal misery. Five hundred nagging, incessant pings in your brain, and your man wants sex. We did this last year. Is there no end to my earthly suffering? Why in the hell does he insist on licking my vagina?

If this scenario sounds remotely familiar, I’m speaking to you. This is sex for many women. You’re banging her hard. You’re sweating. You work furiously for an existential two minutes, shoot your load, and collapse beside her. She murmurs something congratulatory and darts into the bathroom to pee and rid her pussy of your love gun load.

Sex is a demand response for many women. They don’t enjoy it, they don’t feel sexy, and they’re not talking about it. But consider this: as she runs to the bathroom to pee, it’s possible she was close to ejaculating without realizing it. Sexual stimulation of the female G-spot in the vagina causes the genital area to swell with fluid, and expelling this fluid through the urethra (not the vagina) is female ejaculation.

If the sex education gods cared, we would know this. If we were taught anything about female sexual anatomy and stimulation response, we could’ve been sex goddesses sometime in our prime. Those women truly blessed by the sex gods experience vaginal orgasm naturally, but for most of us lacking this ability, twisted Puritanical thinking and repressive sexual mores keep us ignorant of even the slightest sexual pleasures.

Fast forward to the female G-Spot, located on the top wall of the vagina below the pubic bone, just one or two inches inside the vaginal opening. To those women seeking to experience vaginal orgasm, it’s imperative to make acquaintance with your “G.” Learn to masturbate and awaken the sensations of this area and you will be navigating toward female ejaculation and vaginal orgasm.

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Odd One Out at the Fuckfest

Before I move on to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – the journey into my orgasm groove – I’m pausing to ponder where the ladies are hiding. I’m hearing excellent feedback from the guys, but the fems are noticeably absent from the conversation. It’s frequently noted that many women guard their sex lives with armor plating and are reticent to discuss orgasm or masturbation.

Many men have similar reservations. The “sex issue,” so prevalent a flash point among couples, is a complicated thorn and a prickly pear debate. I noted earlier in Sexualista that sexual dissatisfaction is under-reported with many couples because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest. Mass media portends that orgasmic sex is the benchmark in a culture where 75 percent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex. Seventy-five percent!

Convulsing, vaginal orgasms are not the norm or even median result of sexual intercourse for three-quarters of women. With a cultural “perception” that all sex should be orgasmic, we fear being labeled “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or broken. Instead of addressing it, we consume it. We love reading or watching great sex. We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotic acts: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn.

The demands on a woman’s time and attention usually preclude any serious study of female anatomy and orgasm how-to’s. Researching G-spot stimulation and masturbation techniques rate low on the bucket list when loved ones are sick, your job sucks, or the dog’s throwing up. Without the time or inclination to research sex education and learn sexual triggers through masturbation, we’re clueless about the orgasmic process and personal sexual needs.

Speaking for many, one woman wrote: “I’m 55 and I’ve never had an orgasm. This sucks!”

The few ladies I’ve heard from report they have never achieved orgasm or they started to experience it later in life with the attention of an interested, attentive partner – a key component, they said, adding it takes time, practice, and a patient partner to help them get there.

It’s a team effort (she AND he) to achieve orgasm. It requires her eager, receptive mind and the right skills to tailor foreplay activity to stimulating her favorite lady bits. Without having a basic game plan for achieving orgasm, she’s 10th row deep at the fuckfest and not talking.

Ladies, trust me, many guys want to sexually please their partners, but you have to show up, speak up, and chart some personal exploration so you can convey with conviction what turns you on.

The gents, meanwhile, are talking. Their perspective is intuitive, sexy, and interesting. Guys I’m hearing from are attuned to women’s sexuality and like to please, but they are sometimes frustrated by women’s lack of sexual prowess, even among more sexually open fems.

A few from the guys:

“It isn’t even so much about women who are sexually open-minded as much as women who are not sexually repressing their preferences. I realize this is a matter of semantics….but to me, suppression means a woman (most women) are actively disallowing themselves to even consider what gets their pussy wet,” said P.

“I get highly turned on by a woman who has total command of her body – her wants and desires and freely expresses herself. Not afraid to say what she wants and more than willing to show me what gets her off and what turns her off,” said V.

“Having that attitude actually turns me on more, wanting to give her exactly what she needs.”

V added: “I have learned over the years when speaking with some of my friends that most guys (only) care about themselves. Basically, the “I got mine – you get yours” attitude. And we wonder why women, sooner than later, get turned off by sex.”

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED