Pleasures of the Flesh

  

Takeaway: If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

Cunnilingus – the act, the psychology, the pleasure, frustration, and the mystery – men generally like getting head, right? That scintillating touch, stroke, suck, and licking of cock, bringing your member to hard attention, salute. Stimulating thousands of penile nerve endings penetrating deep in your shaft and pulsing the head of your cock. That intense genital stimulation as a precursor to sensual sex…

We assume women also crave those deep vibrations around their vulva and clitoris, stimulating them to intense arousal and begging for penetration. When sucking or stroking a woman’s clit can produce a squealing squirting orgasm, it must be part of the sexual handbook, Foreplay 101. But despite the incredible bliss that a talented tongue and determined fingers can bring, some women just aren’t having it.

Oral Sax lamented his patented cunnilingus techniques that secured his international fame. He uses oral sex as a precursor to exotic sex which primes his partner for orgasm and cements his name among the immortal sex gods. The takeaway is that he enthusiastically enjoys pleasuring women. He attunes himself to a woman’s reaction, direction, and pulls from his bag of tricks to find what works individually.

The best lovers already know this and employ his playbook: learn the skill and adapt your methods to your partner’s likes. Women just like it that way: otherwise, they say, don’t bother.

Curiosity and memories of my own experience with oral sex led me to research female indifference toward it. The same turn-offs were mentioned so often that it’s easy to assemble a short list of grievances in order of frequency: a lover’s talent; her trust (trauma); and her self-consciousness.

“…only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh.”

Quickly dispensing with the nuisance religious angle – because only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh – did Mary experience heavenly head in her tryst with The Man? Likely censured by frustrated, celibate monks in the 8th Century, the New Testament doesn’t reveal the spiritual pleasures that earthly girl knew.

In the G-rated Bible, the divine romp was written in such nebulous terms that the colossal fuck must be taken on faith alone. To perv the event in literal terms would be lustful, unclean, and scandalous. I don’t know that the Bible makes reference to cunnilingus, but I’m betting Jezebel gave wicked head.

Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it…

However, imagine a blow job from a disinterested partner going through the motions: no eye contact; no enthusiasm; no creativity; no skills and no friction! Women express the same reaction to lame oral sex, if they even get it at all. Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it, and the result is a less than optimal sexual experience for her and diminished interest in sex with you.

But if you’re going down there, consider these points from the ladies:

Many women engage in oral sex only to please their partner. If they don’t enjoy it, they’re thinking about work, their shopping list, or another guy. A disinterested partner is an immediate turn-off and a woman will spot this faster than radar. It’s essential that she believes you enjoy her body, her scent, her essence. Without that trust, the odds of her having an orgasm just plummeted.

 

Unlike patriarchal phallic worship, girls are discouraged from  embracing their anatomy. The embarrassment of puberty, menstruation, and breast development are often rife with personal trauma and cultural shaming. A good lover intuitively knows women may be insecure about their bodies and celebrates her goddess attributes.

 

Some women refuse oral sex to avoid disappointment and embarrassment. Lame cunnilingus is irritating and an endurance chore for many women. Women with body shaming or body image concerns are self-conscious about odor or their genitalia appearance. A woman who doesn’t masturbate doesn’t know which sensations arouse her. Survivors of sexual assault/abuse or domestic violence harbor trust and shame issues which often prevent enjoyment of foreplay, oral sex, and sex in general.

 

Some women have a very sensitive clitoris and they prefer a light touch. Others are power queens and crave intense stimulation. Some like attention around their entire vulva, the clitoris, the labia, the urethral sponge, their vagina, and anus. Women are hesitant to give direction to their partners about what they like because he/she gets mad or ignores their requests. Explore, ask her what she likes, and unless you’re a Neolithic fugitive, give it to her!

 

Culturally, women are “givers” in the family and in the relationship. We focus on immediate needs and we are not used to receiving pleasure and being the focus of attention. Keep in mind that many women don’t know how to relax and “receive” foreplay and oral sex. It can be embarrassing to be the focus of attention, especially having your genitalia exposed and open to scrutiny. A key move is to help her relax and compliment her body, her pussy, her taste and scent with sincerity or dirty talk. (Hint: eye contact works wonders here!)

If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

It boils down to knowing your partner and how she responds to sex: what she likes and what she may be hesitant about. The act is a mental experience for women and she needs to trust that her partner has her best interests In mind and a sincere desire to please her. If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.

The internet is loaded with oral sex and fingering techniques to improve your confidence and skills. If you want to help her surrender to foreplay, you need to master this power play to convince her she is emotionally safe to relax with you and that she will enjoy the experience.

_____________________________

Copyright 2017 - Sexualista - All rights reserved.

 

Evil Bitch Eve   

As I said, locating, stimulating, and engaging my G-Spot was the epiphany from which all future fucks would be measured. It was through personal masturbation that I found my spot and from there, transitioned into squirting and full-body vaginal orgasms. Orgasm was a personal quest for me – it wasn’t easy. I spent countless hours researching the net, subscribing to sexpert how-to’s, and ultimately benefiting from the patience and persistence of my long-suffering hubby.

For those few women blessed by the sex gods, orgasm “cums” easily.  It must be heavenly ordained, intricately woven into their lady bits, chosen by Venus herself to experience the ultimate sexual pleasure.  Statistically, a measly 25 percent of women orgasm from penetrative intercourse, and those lucky goddesses usually need clitoral stimulation to get there. Translation: seventy-five percent of women DO NOT orgasm from vaginal sex, according to published studies.

John Roddam Spencer Stanhope - Eve Tempted 1877
(c) Manchester City Galleries; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

Can you imagine a more disturbing rip-off? Eve, the first bitch of Genesis, is likely to blame for the ultimate ruination of the innate ability for women to orgasm. God snapped his fingers, and poof! Women were figuratively fucked: a wretched crime against humanity surely. I’ve read that nearly half of all relationships suffer from sexual dissatisfaction, and the solution seems out of reach for many couples.

Sexual orgasm is the final frontier for women and their partners. I’m working on a future post about an interesting study involving chronically anorgasmic women. Using therapeutic interventions championed by a pioneering sex therapist, Betty Dodson, some 93 percent of those 550 female participants achieved orgasm during the study. You don’t want to miss this fascinating research.

Getting to the Point

Long story short, this rant grew from a companion post about personal masturbation and my sex chair.  Next post: I get raunchy again.

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Prelude to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – The G-spot

It’s predictable, typical, ordained. Like the certainty of dawn, it happens. You’re doing the nasty while preoccupied with the dishwasher, or your crass boss. Maybe it’s an obnoxious rat terrier barking in the next yard or that fucking speeding ticket: anything, everything but orgasm. For the love of god, end this eternal misery. Five hundred nagging, incessant pings in your brain, and your man wants sex. We did this last year. Is there no end to my earthly suffering? Why in the hell does he insist on licking my vagina?

If this scenario sounds remotely familiar, I’m speaking to you. This is sex for many women. You’re banging her hard. You’re sweating. You work furiously for an existential two minutes, shoot your load, and collapse beside her. She murmurs something congratulatory and darts into the bathroom to pee and rid her pussy of your love gun load.

Sex is a demand response for many women. They don’t enjoy it, they don’t feel sexy, and they’re not talking about it. But consider this: as she runs to the bathroom to pee, it’s possible she was close to ejaculating without realizing it. Sexual stimulation of the female G-spot in the vagina causes the genital area to swell with fluid, and expelling this fluid through the urethra (not the vagina) is female ejaculation.

If the sex education gods cared, we would know this. If we were taught anything about female sexual anatomy and stimulation response, we could’ve been sex goddesses sometime in our prime. Those women truly blessed by the sex gods experience vaginal orgasm naturally, but for most of us lacking this ability, twisted Puritanical thinking and repressive sexual mores keep us ignorant of even the slightest sexual pleasures.

Fast forward to the female G-Spot, located on the top wall of the vagina below the pubic bone, just one or two inches inside the vaginal opening. To those women seeking to experience vaginal orgasm, it’s imperative to make acquaintance with your “G.” Learn to masturbate and awaken the sensations of this area and you will be navigating toward female ejaculation and vaginal orgasm.

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Twitter Feeds

Coming this week is the second installment of my Masturbation Odyssey, this time focusing on the discovery of my very own G-spot: that erogenous pleasure zone that transforms masturbation and sex into orgasm. If you don’t “do” the G-spot, it’s unlikely that you are having vaginal orgasms, unless you are stimulating a deeper spot of the vagina.

Some doubt its existence, some doubt its importance, but to remain indifferent to the G-spot is to have never discovered it. If you take anything away from Sexualista, I hope it’s an animalistic desire to awaken and trigger this elusive spot of the female anatomy.  Every woman deserves this sexual pleasure, but some homework of the masturbation kind is required.

Meantime, I’d like to share a few of my posts on Twitter.com as Sexualista1. Twitter affords me an opportunity to post little snippets of what I’m reading or thinking about on any given day. Too many topics to possibly blog about, so tapping out brief tweets keeps the conversation moving. I hope to stand out from the sexpack, rather than wither away like uninspired oral sex. A few of my recent tweets follow:

Chivalrous guys are a modern marvel and hot as hell. It pays to be a damsel in a tight dress.

We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotica: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn. We orgasm vicariously.

A confident alpha male will win the girl. Women anticipate satisfying sex with assertive guys and can’t resist their charms.

A full-body vaginal orgasm convulses the entire core of a woman’s body, causing involuntary spasms and constricts the vagina and the anus.

Reports say sexual dissatisfaction ruins nearly half of all marriages and leads to infidelity in 50% of relationships. Join the conversation.

“…people are in denial of their sexual issues, so the first step to overcoming your sexual repression is to admit it…” – Eyal Matsliah

Most people want to please their sexual partners, but you have to show up and speak up about what turns you on.

No two women will define orgasm the same – women explain it according to their experience and cultural conditioning. 

There are few things more pleasurable that tracing your clit with a powerful vibrator then squealing and squirting in rapture! Wow!

Seduce her so well that sucking your cock is HER idea. Never shove it in her face unless you’re the sex god who can make her cum. Boorish.

A sexy, seductive woman is a lovely, feminine creature to watch. She is confident, fearless, and moves like a ballet in your soul.

With a cultural perception that sex should be orgasmic, we fear a label of “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or “broken”.

A silent partner works in the business world, but it’s a turn-off during sex. Subtle moaning is very sensuous and arousing. Make some noise.

Sexperts assume that women are naturally open to orgasmic stimulation. Transition from sexual repression to liberation is a gigantic leap.

Shopping for a vibrator is a no-brainer. Skip the battery-powered toys and splurge on a more powerful rechargeable model. Viva la orgasm!

The excruciating moment when you’re about to orgasm, and your vibrator quits. Buzzkill. Shoot me now.

Achieving orgasm is the last frontier for many women. For anorgasmic women, achieving orgasm is a pivotal experience.

Sex is subjective and only empirical to you. Question everything. Inquire. Explore. Own it.

Now that lesbianism is the hot norm, bicurious sex among straight men is the new chic. Hot topic among the liberati.

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“Are We Sexually Repressed and Don’t Know It?”

By Eyal Matsliah

(Re-printed with permission.)

As a sexual empowerment coach, I get to know a lot about what’s happening in people’s bedrooms, and in their minds. When I tell people that I’m a sex coach, some of them get uncomfortable, awkward and evasive. These are educated, intelligent, successful and influential people, so why does the prospect of discussing such a natural part of life evoke such reactions?

After doing this work for over a decade, I’ve had some important insights. I’ve recognized that society has a problem with sex, and as human beings, we have become uniformed, repressive and infantile in our attitude towards sex and sexuality.

Take a moment to reflect on how you feel about sex, sexuality, your body, your genitals, and in turn how you feel about other people’s sexuality, bodies, genitals and sexual expressions. Are you holding on to some shame about sex? Are you dealing with any sexual issues? Do you wish you could be more sexually confident, informed and free? I’d be willing to place a bet that you would answer yes to at least one of those questions.

As the saying goes, there is no smoke without fire. If you want to find the root of the problem, you have to look at its symptoms. After the stifling norms of the 40s and 50s, the sexual revolution of the 1960s brought a new freedom of sexual expression, aided by the pill and women’s rights. The freedom of the 60s spilled over into the 70s, but as the 1980s dawned, the spread of AIDS/HIV brought anxiety, demonization of promiscuity and a wave of self-enforced abstention. Today, as a society, we are once again at odds with our sexuality, and not just when it comes to our sexual relationships, but also how sexuality affects the other aspects of our lives.

The sexual revolution was not a world wide phenomena, and even in the West, it only affected a part of the population. Some religious countries and societies are more outwardly sexually oppressive than others, with women being required to cover their bodies or even their faces, and young boys and girls often subjected to genital mutilation. Sadly, women are punished, excommunicated or even executed for acts that are perceived to dishonour the family name. There are stringent rules around sexual behaviour, and sex before marriage is usually strictly prohibited. Virginity and chastity are virtues. It’s easy to look at such beliefs and think: “That’s so primitive. They are so repressed. We are so open minded and advanced”. But are we really?

Continue reading:  

Are we sexually repressed and don’t know it?

Odd One Out at the Fuckfest

Before I move on to Masturbation Odyssey: Part 2 – the journey into my orgasm groove – I’m pausing to ponder where the ladies are hiding. I’m hearing excellent feedback from the guys, but the fems are noticeably absent from the conversation. It’s frequently noted that many women guard their sex lives with armor plating and are reticent to discuss orgasm or masturbation.

Many men have similar reservations. The “sex issue,” so prevalent a flash point among couples, is a complicated thorn and a prickly pear debate. I noted earlier in Sexualista that sexual dissatisfaction is under-reported with many couples because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest. Mass media portends that orgasmic sex is the benchmark in a culture where 75 percent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex. Seventy-five percent!

Convulsing, vaginal orgasms are not the norm or even median result of sexual intercourse for three-quarters of women. With a cultural “perception” that all sex should be orgasmic, we fear being labeled “dysfunctional,” “frigid,” or broken. Instead of addressing it, we consume it. We love reading or watching great sex. We are hungry, curious voyeurs of erotic acts: hence the profitable feed of romance novels, erotic fiction, and porn.

The demands on a woman’s time and attention usually preclude any serious study of female anatomy and orgasm how-to’s. Researching G-spot stimulation and masturbation techniques rate low on the bucket list when loved ones are sick, your job sucks, or the dog’s throwing up. Without the time or inclination to research sex education and learn sexual triggers through masturbation, we’re clueless about the orgasmic process and personal sexual needs.

Speaking for many, one woman wrote: “I’m 55 and I’ve never had an orgasm. This sucks!”

The few ladies I’ve heard from report they have never achieved orgasm or they started to experience it later in life with the attention of an interested, attentive partner – a key component, they said, adding it takes time, practice, and a patient partner to help them get there.

It’s a team effort (she AND he) to achieve orgasm. It requires her eager, receptive mind and the right skills to tailor foreplay activity to stimulating her favorite lady bits. Without having a basic game plan for achieving orgasm, she’s 10th row deep at the fuckfest and not talking.

Ladies, trust me, many guys want to sexually please their partners, but you have to show up, speak up, and chart some personal exploration so you can convey with conviction what turns you on.

The gents, meanwhile, are talking. Their perspective is intuitive, sexy, and interesting. Guys I’m hearing from are attuned to women’s sexuality and like to please, but they are sometimes frustrated by women’s lack of sexual prowess, even among more sexually open fems.

A few from the guys:

“It isn’t even so much about women who are sexually open-minded as much as women who are not sexually repressing their preferences. I realize this is a matter of semantics….but to me, suppression means a woman (most women) are actively disallowing themselves to even consider what gets their pussy wet,” said P.

“I get highly turned on by a woman who has total command of her body – her wants and desires and freely expresses herself. Not afraid to say what she wants and more than willing to show me what gets her off and what turns her off,” said V.

“Having that attitude actually turns me on more, wanting to give her exactly what she needs.”

V added: “I have learned over the years when speaking with some of my friends that most guys (only) care about themselves. Basically, the “I got mine – you get yours” attitude. And we wonder why women, sooner than later, get turned off by sex.”

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Lifequake

 

The seer was right. She was spot on! Even more, she predicted the fucking lifequake I was about to experience. I wanted to believe her droning on about my star sign planet alignments and that my life was jetting toward an asteroid belt; I craved a navigational challenge. I needed a new thrill: an enema to flush the bullshit, an emotional afterburn trailing an adrenaline rush.

Suddenly 50-something: aimless, burned out, blacked out, and void. I saw my best years wizz by like lightning bolts against an angry sky with little energy to greet the erupting dawn.

She and I parted ways when she omitted whether this tumult would disrupt my financial, professional, or love life unless I parted with an additional $59.99.

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Don your inner goddess.

I’m tweeting this morning about awakening your inner Goddess. Ladies, employ some Femdom to get the foreplay you know you crave and deserve. NO MORE COCK SUCKING UNTIL YOU CUM FIRST. Reward him well and he’ll cum around. It’s that simple. Soon enough, he’ll get the effin’ picture and you’ll be on your way to some torrid sex. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Without some inkling of passion, some erotic interest, we lay there and take it, hoping he finishes before we forget to turn on the dishwasher. And you can hardly blame him; he’s horny, and unless he’s a total Neanderthal, he’s trying to please. But he needs to hear from you what you like: what turns you from an average vanilla woman into the sex-crazed nympho you fantasize about. It’s a process and an expedition into your own erogenous zone.

Until you begin to masturbate, you don’t yet know these zones. They lay dormant, uncharted, desolate. Until you stimulate and awaken your pleasure zones, you don’t know the incredible realm that awaits you. And until you experience that pleasure dome, you don’t know what trips your trigger and you can’t communicate that to your partner. Stay tuned for my own journey of masturbation – a story of one woman’s map which culminated in learning to orgasm again after too many years of thinking about the dishwasher.

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Viva La Orgasm!

Until this year, I hadn’t had a full-body vaginal orgasm since college in the ‘80s and I remember it vividly. He was a fellow poet and a singer/guitar player in a band. We palled around the college party/bar circuit, smoked weed, did drugs, hung out on rooftops, and wrote poetry: a fuck buddy to me. A skinny guy with an unexpected long, thick cock: much bigger than I imagined for a slim-framed guy. I liked him and we had the hottest sex of my life at the time.

He could fuck hard and slow for seemingly hours. In a chemical frame of mind, he fucked like a poet, examining every stroke for my reaction. Watching my face as he withdrew just far enough to tease me with slight thrusts in and out, he’d plunge deep and pause as if to surveil my wet pussy. To my delight, he repeated this hot move sufficiently to swell every fold of my vigi till I ached to explode. I was fucking a god!

I remember a deep throbbing stir in my loins as he swirled the head of his cock deep around the back wall of my pussy. He swiftly pulled out, smiling down at me like a master fuck artist, and intently thrust in deep again, probing that pulsing cock around my deep spot like he was tracing the boot of Italy. I lay in a tranquil daze, absorbing and experiencing every inch of him. Soon the sex god emerged and lit me up with a neon wave of sputtering light pulsars. My pussy swallowed his cock as a blaze of electricity radiated through my groin. I gasped, wide eyed and wild; I was a goddess!

“Oh fuck!” he said, closing his eyes and rolling his head back.

“I’m going to cum!”

He pushed deeper into my pussy twice more, convulsing as he came hard and moaned something ethereal. I felt his cock twitching until he finished, sighing his last orgasmic breath. Pulling out and falling beside me, I caught his eye in my quasi-comatose state.

“Wow!!! That was incredible! What the hell did you do?”

Smiling, he said, “That was fucking cool! I came like a bastard and you were so tight!”

That was the first and only orgasm of my life until recently, and I’ll never forget it or my friend the junior sex-god-in-training. We continued to talk poetry and literature, smoke pot, and fuck the night away for a few more years in that oak-lined college haze. A friend to this day, I’ve never asked him if he remembers the night he rocked my world with that curious stellar event.

Thirty years of marriage, two kids, numerous jobs, and too many disappointments later, I thought back to that incredible orgasm and decided I will feel that ecstasy again. I asked my gynecologist if my female parts were in order because I never had orgasms. She assured me I was physically fine, suggested Kegel exercises, and researching orgasms on the net. A sexual neophyte loosed on the net. I would learn. I would masturbate. I would flirt and fuck. Refusing to fail, I set my sights on absorbing all that I could of the elusive female orgasm.

I read voraciously about female sexuality, found my G spot, conquered the tricky process of squirting, and learned the art of orgasm. Female sexual success is a learning process. Very rarely does it cum naturally for women. Don’t believe fictional female orgasm. As we’re led to believe in “Fifty Shades of Grey,” Anastasia came as she lost her virginity to Christian Grey. For most women, that’s a fallacy. Pop culture and fiction leave us feeling inadequate, frigid, broken: as if everyone is having incredible sex but us. Learning to orgasm from sex is an educational process, a personal quest, not the expected result of penetrative sex suggested in popular media.

I’ve read that 75 percent of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex, and those who do, need clitoral stimulation to get there. Many women have never examined their clitoris or located their G spot: those sensitive, rippling pleasure buttons designed solely for sexual pleasure. These key players in female sexual anatomy, once explored and stimulated, will absolutely rock your world and forever alter your sexual experience. And the quintessential art of foreplay, done correctly, is the required element to awaken these hot buttons to produce squirting and vaginal orgasms. It’s a learning process that takes time, patience, and a willing partner.

Women are tragically ripped off by not experiencing the full pleasure of sex; if I can help even one woman to get there…. In Sexualista, I will chronicle my research, observations, and my experiences in learning the art of orgasm. I’ll tell you about my middle-aged sexual journey, starting with masturbation, squirting and vaginal orgasms then my incredible transition into lifestyle sex and sexcapades with my indomitable fuck buddy. There are stories of threesomes, foursomes, orgies, bi-curious sex, and humping dildos in the magic sex chair. It’s been a hell of a ride! Stay tuned. Viva la orgasm!

COPYRIGHT © 2016-2017 – SEXUALISTA – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED