Last fall, I wrote about my observations on the ideal alpha male and tabled the post for additional study.
The topic is too broad to address in general terms, so I picked a few categories to write about: the alpha lifestyle; the alpha lover; and the survival of the species.
I can’t wait to hear the feedback on this topic.
I’ll be back with this post soon and email subscribers will be notified. If you would like to join my email list for notices of new blog postings, send me a quick message to email@example.com. My eyes only – no spam.
Our culture hints that women are “dysfunctional and frigid” if they aren’t having orgasmic sex; yet, it’s statistically atypical and far from the norm. For women pressured with the stresses of work and family, soak-the-bed sex may be their last concern. If they’re indifferent to sex, women may be resistant and suspicious of society’s sexual overtones and propagandized hints of what they’re missing.
Women are quick to blame themselves for lack of orgasm without ever knowing the path to get there. Overall, it’s difficult to engage women in the discussion because sex education ranks low on their priority list. I hope to help change that.
“Veni vidi vici.” – Julius Caesar.
I’m writing this blog because I believe we are under-educated about sexual function and satisfaction and I’m pissed about that. A recovering anorgasmic, I’ve spent a lot of time researching and a fair amount of money subscribing to sexpert advice products learning how to achieve orgasm. It’s not rocket science, but I’ve learned that achieving orgasm for women requires education, personal masturbation, and a patient, willing partner.
I believe that sexual dissatisfaction is grossly under-reported because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest portrayed in popular media.
I believe that sexual dissatisfaction is grossly under-reported because no one wants to be the odd one out at the fuckfest portrayed in popular media. Pop culture, erotica, and porn portends that everyone’s having incredible orgasmic sex when statistical studies belie the notion.
I’ve proven to myself that chronic anorgasmia is a reversible condition, given the eagerness to learn and a good set of how-to skills. The internet is rife with pertinent sex education and well-intentioned but editorialized advice. Sex is subjective and only empirical to you. There are no cookie-cutter solutions to achieve orgasm, as all women respond differently, but I suggest following tried and tested methods that seem to work for most women.
I intend to write about these subjects, not as an academic, but to subjectively funnel what I’ve learned along the way, e.g., what worked for one sexually repressed, stressed out middle-aged woman.
And, I’m going to jazz things up a bit with seedy, shameful stories of my sexcapades as a blatant satirist preoccupied with a Phyllis Diller complex.
Takeaway: If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.
Cunnilingus – the act, the psychology, the pleasure, frustration, and the mystery – men generally like getting head, right? That scintillating touch, stroke, suck, and licking of cock, bringing your member to hard attention, salute.Stimulating thousands of penile nerve endings penetrating deep in your shaft and pulsing the head of your cock. That intense genital stimulation as a precursor to sensual sex…
We assume women also crave those deep vibrations around their vulva and clitoris, stimulating them to intense arousal and begging for penetration. When sucking or stroking a woman’s clit can produce a squealing squirting orgasm, it must be part of the sexual handbook, Foreplay 101. But despite the incredible bliss that a talented tongue and determined fingers can bring, some women just aren’t having it.
Oral Sax lamented his patented cunnilingus techniques that secured his international fame. He uses oral sex as a precursor to exotic sex which primes his partner for orgasm and cements his name among the immortal sex gods. The takeaway is that he enthusiastically enjoys pleasuring women. He attunes himself to a woman’s reaction, direction, and pulls from his bag of tricks to find what works individually.
The best lovers already know this and employ his playbook: learn the skill and adapt your methods to your partner’s likes. Women just like it that way: otherwise, they say, don’t bother.
Curiosity and memories of my own experience with oral sex led me to research female indifference toward it. The same turn-offs were mentioned so often that it’s easy to assemble a short list of grievances in order of frequency: a lover’s talent; her trust (trauma); and her self-consciousness.
“…only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh.”
Quickly dispensing with the nuisance religious angle – because only harlots and Jezebels enjoy pleasures of the flesh – did Mary experience heavenly head in her tryst with The Man? Likely censured by frustrated, celibate monks in the 8th Century, the New Testament doesn’t reveal the spiritual pleasures that earthly girl knew.
In the G-rated Bible, the divine romp was written in such nebulous terms that the colossal fuck must be taken on faith alone. To perv the event in literal terms would be lustful, unclean, and scandalous. I don’t know that the Bible makes reference to cunnilingus, but I’m betting Jezebel gave wicked head.
Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it…
However, imagine a blow job from a disinterested partner going through the motions: no eye contact; no enthusiasm; no creativity; no skills and no friction! Women express the same reaction to lame oral sex, if they even get it at all. Only Neanderthals skip foreplay when a woman aches for it, and the result is a less than optimal sexual experience for her and diminished interest in sex with you.
But if you’re going down there, consider these points from the ladies:
Many women engage in oral sex only to please their partner. If they don’t enjoy it, they’re thinking about work, their shopping list, or another guy. A disinterested partner is an immediate turn-off and a woman will spot this faster than radar. It’s essential that she believes you enjoy her body, her scent, her essence. Without that trust, the odds of her having an orgasm just plummeted.
Unlike patriarchal phallic worship, girls are discouraged from embracing their anatomy. The embarrassment of puberty, menstruation, and breast development are often rife with personal trauma and cultural shaming. A good lover intuitively knows women may be insecure about their bodies and celebrates her goddess attributes.
Some women refuse oral sex to avoid disappointment and embarrassment. Lame cunnilingus is irritating and an endurance chore for many women. Women with body shaming or body image concerns are self-conscious about odor or their genitalia appearance. A woman who doesn’t masturbate doesn’t know which sensations arouse her. Survivors of sexual assault/abuse or domestic violence harbor trust and shame issues which often prevent enjoyment of foreplay, oral sex, and sex in general.
Some women have a very sensitive clitoris and they prefer a light touch. Others are power queens and crave intense stimulation. Some like attention around their entire vulva, the clitoris, the labia, the urethral sponge, their vagina, and anus. Women are hesitant to give direction to their partners about what they like because he/she gets mad or ignores their requests. Explore, ask her what she likes, and unless you’re a Neolithic fugitive, give it to her!
Culturally, women are “givers” in the family and in the relationship. We focus on immediate needs and we are not used to receiving pleasure and being the focus of attention. Keep in mind that many women don’t know how to relax and “receive” foreplay and oral sex. It can be embarrassing to be the focus of attention, especially having your genitalia exposed and open to scrutiny. A key move is to help her relax and compliment her body, her pussy, her taste and scent with sincerity or dirty talk. (Hint: eye contact works wonders here!)
If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.
It boils down to knowing your partner and how she responds to sex: what she likes and what she may be hesitant about. The act is a mental experience for women and she needs to trust that her partner has her best interests In mind and a sincere desire to please her. If you’re a “go through the motion” type of lover, she’ll know this and disengage long before second base.
The internet is loaded with oral sex and fingering techniques to improve your confidence and skills. If you want to help her surrender to foreplay, you need to master this power play to convince her she is emotionally safe to relax with you and that she will enjoy the experience.
Copyright 2017 - Sexualista - All rights reserved.
Avoiding the retail mayhem, I stayed home on Black Friday and created a little masturbation bustle of my own. After a pleasantly exhausting orgasmic experience with a mythical Mr. X, I think I knew I scored better than any early bird bargain.
On a lifestyle site that morning, I read the profile of Mr. X, a sexy alpha man who left me horny and aching for a strong masculine fuck. His muscular chest and torso pics weakened my knees as did his profile narrative. His experience and confidence triggered sensual fantasies as I imagined him rhythmically fucking me with charisma, creativity, and porn star stamina.
I imagined him seducing me with an intelligent mix of sexy words and electric body touches. His hands caressing my soft skin and reacting to his touch: his eyes, his mouth, those broad shoulders, strong thighs, and the sexy girth of his torso and hips. He was a Harlequin model, only real, tangible, and offering his brand of sexuality to a woman of his choosing.
I often think that optimum sexual satisfaction isn’t meant to be a team sport.
A strong female myself, my fantasy guy is a leading male to overrule and guide me. I sent Mr. X a message saluting his style, confidence, and masculinity, but I also wanted to fuck him as I desired him to be. People rarely measure up to idealized personas in real-time interactions, but fantasy fucks are the next best thing to sexual nirvana and often better than the real deal. I often think that optimum sexual satisfaction isn’t meant to be a team sport.
I set out to prove this on a skittishly sunny Black Friday. Assembling my go-to toy collection for assured orgasms, I also inserted a thick butt plug for internal stimulation. My pussy twitched as I lubed the dildos and plugged in the Hitachi. I was as horny as I’ve ever been and painfully struggled to avoid ramming the closest dildo in my pussy. I needed this fuck, and I wanted to orgasm with an intensity that satiated my raging hormones and throbbing pussy.
I was so intensely aroused that it took little stimulation to reach an orgasmic peak. I lay back on the bed with my ass propped up on towels for optimal G-Spot thrusting and to absorb those errant juices. I thought of him hovering over me, rubbing his hard cock against my pubic bone, teasing me, grinding on me and slowly moving his cock down to my pussy and taunting me with the head. He ran his hands up my torso and cupped my breasts, kneading them and gently sucking each one as he continued grinding that stiff tool against my vulva.
Imitating his movements, I played with my breasts and slowly bucked my hips to meet his erotic pelvic thrusts. As he slid his mouth down my belly, his fingers lightly grazed my pussy lips and I couldn’t help my involuntary twitch. As I absorbed the moment, his hands grabbed the insides of my thighs and spread my legs wide, exposing my wet lips and boner clit.
Giving in to my now throbbing pussy, I inserted my favorite curved dildo and began stroking my G. His strong hands held my legs apart, his sexy voice and tongue deeply massaged my urethral sponge and he laid hard clitoral passes. My legs were lightly shaking and my pussy was so overwhelmed with desire I was gasping, wide-eyed, and desperate.
“I won’t fuck you now, baby, but I’m giving you a little something to whet your pussy and long for this big cock,” Mr. X said.
“You are more than ready.”
Needing to scream and gush with intensity, I let myself go and waited for release.
He took the glass dildo from my hand and commenced the G-spot massage, increasing the speed and pressure on my G with each thrust. The G-spot sandwich from the butt plug and the dildo was overwhelmingly pleasurable and created a perfect stimulation pressure. Needing to scream and gush with intensity, I let myself go and waited for release.
Flipping on my vibrator, he pushed it hard against my clit and told me to cum. I was transcendental with excitement as my vagina began to pulsate that surreal aura which precedes a Super O.
The pace of him thrusting the dildo across my G, combined with the internal throb of the vibrator, shot through my pelvis an electrical jolt with an intensity I had yet to experience. I winced and squealed as my legs shook and my pussy convulsed in waves, expelling the butt plug from my ass. My clit raged sharply as I experienced an epic pelvic spasm and an intense vaginal jolt. Jesus god, it was ecstasy!
Mr. X softly rubbed my pussy as I returned to normalcy and gathered my wits: so soft; so assured; so comforting. He grabbed my hip, rolled me onto my side and covered me with a soft blanket. He kissed my cheek and whispered that I had won a Super O from the sex gods’ Black Friday drawing and this visit was just the door prize.
Copyright 2017 - Sexualista - All rights reserved.
Very excited for Sexualista to be named to Kinkly.com’s list of the Top 10 New Sex Blogs for 2017! Thank you for your support. It’s fascinating how many new sex blogs are appearing on the web and even more exciting that writers are helping to educate and titillate readers about a subject so long repressed in our culture.
Several Halloween’s ago, hubby coaxed me into visiting a haunting establishment: a journey I submitted to with trepidation, embarrassment, and anxiety. The fear of the unknown gripped me as if entering a spooky house after dark and peering into demonic chambers with a weak flashlight and thumping heart.
It was an unforgettable, impressionable scene: a horrific step into an unknown realm with exaggerated body parts, animalistic moans, and a zombie-like goon squad. It was a place where dashing out the door was as terrifying as entering. Once inside, the only option was to swallow my fear like women in the videos did with those elephant cocks.
We selected an adult book store/theater along a depressing stretch of highway in a nondescript concrete building. A few beat-up cars lined the parking lot, the store lights flickered, and I sat imagining the horrors within those walls from the safety of my car. I needed a few tokes to calm my nerves before entering the chamber – which in retrospect, only exaggerated the paranoia which followed.
It was a foggy night with few cars on the road and the glow of the book store sign reminded me of a Bates Motel sanctuary for weary pervs. The stigma I felt entering the building was quickly squashed by the goon squad welcoming committee. An oafish, mute man of about 8-feet tall leered at us as we walked in and adjusted our eyes to the bright neon of a plastic pleasure dome. There was no friendly welcome to this hellish place: no smiling Wal-Mart greeter to assuage my fears.
Behind the counter stood a bizarre-looking man giant bent over looming at a Playboy magazine with a puffy red face and neck bulging from the neckline of his shirt. Was he overcome with sheer horniness, a third-degree sunburn, or roid-rage? I still don’t know. Thankfully, lobster man failed to acknowledge us as we skulked through the store entrance.
Above his head and scattered about the store were large television screens blasting scenes of bondage, primal sex, and women with contorted faces. I paused to watch a video aimed toward a standing women’s pussy with her one leg extended out to the side. She moaned with pleasure as a large cock pounded her from behind then paused and slowly moved in and out in shallow thrusts just inside her vagina.
She furiously rubbed her clit and howled like a cat in heat before squirting a fire hose stream aligned with the camera view. At that time, I was just learning about female ejaculation, and this video captured my deep imagination as she repeatedly came each time that cock pulled out.
As the cock came inside her and that sticky liquid oozed from between her legs, I felt my own pussy twitching with excitement and I felt a certain “squirt envy” for her accomplishment. As I pondered the physics of the scene, the lobster-faced goon beneath the video screen coughed and jolted my bewildered trance. He stared hard at me, likely wondering why the newbie ogled the screen with the wonder of a tourist in front of the Mona Lisa.
Hurriedly, I disengaged his penetrating Peter Lorre stare and searched for hubby, the one human in the building I was reasonably sure could return some perspective to the scene. Turning to escape the goon squad, I bumped into a scruffy-looking gent perusing the video rack of bi-sexual male porn. I swear he licked his lips and parted his squinting lids to eyeball the frightened girl adrift among daunting over-sized dildos, heinous-looking butt plugs, painful nipple clamps, and electro-shock thrills.
Just then, I caught an overhead video of a women lying on her back being faced-fucked by a cock the size of a submarine. As she stared up at her tormentor, she mustered an occasional smile with her eyes as the unrelenting cock continued thrusting deep into her throat and plowed her esophagus. This anatomical wonder captured my attention as my THC-haze tried to map the logistics of throat fucking and the actress’ feigned enjoyment of the assault on her digestive system.
“Come here,” shouted hubby from a nearby wall of toys and I scurried to join him and his discovery of pervy sexual delights. A couple passed by giggling at the bondage toys they collected and I blushed with embarrassment that I knew nothing of spreader bars, urethral plugs, and cock cages.
“You should try this,” hubby said, proudly displaying a shiny bullet vibrator.
“Use it on the way home in the car.”
The thought of pleasuring myself with him beside me in the car further cajoled my altered state into a paranoid urge to slink out of the store. I struggled with visions of myself bound and gagged in the adjoining theater, an experimental sex victim at the mercy of Halloween’s Michael Myers and his grimy coveralls.
Collecting my wits, I wandered into the dildo isle where I felt comfortable perusing the offerings and selected a thick 8-inch curved whopper I was sure would not disappoint. Women rode cocks in videos above my head with a dancer’s finesse and derrieres of sculptural artistry. Never mind analyzing their physical prowess now, my altered state had convinced me I was out of place in the Land of Oz, and the wizard behind the curtain amused himself at my expense.
“The horror. The horror….” Marlon Brando was with me.
Armed with a dildo clutched tight against my chest, lube, a bullet vibrator, a vibrating egg, and some cock rings, I scurried past hubby leisurely perusing some lingerie and stockings for me. The horror of squeezing into an ill-fitting lace body suit and prancing about as a sex kitten at my age spawned visions of Phyllis Diller and sent me spiraling into a dissociative state.
Piling the toys in hubby’s arms, I bolted for the door past lobster man, a gadfly creep leering at customers, and the mute goon by the exit. With walls closing in and the floor slowly falling, I jumped out of that sex dimension and into the foggy, damp parking lot.
Safe in the car driving home and coming down from my 420 haze, I laughed as hubby and I recounted the scene. We enjoyed embellishing the drama — as we do with every good story — and categorized the scene as a bad Peter Lorre horror movie.
Hubby convinced me to try the vibrating egg in my pussy. Pulling my pants down and fingering my pussy, I anticipated sexual pleasure like the woman squirting in the video, and I eagerly spread my legs.
Hubby rubbed my clit as I inserted the plastic egg, turned it on, and slowly relaxed enough to enjoy the sensation. At that point, I knew I would become a lover of sex toys and increasingly less mortified to visit adult toy stores. The bumps in the road jolted the egg inside my pussy and intensified the thrill.
I lay my head back and concentrated on that vibrating pleasure sphere in my pussy. As we rounded the next corner, hubby jumped on the brakes as the headlights revealed a sideways car on the road with lobster man and mute boy standing on the road brandishing chain saws and over-sized, pointed sharp dildos.
Please enjoy the following guest post from Oral Sax: A finalist in the World’s Most Interesting Man auditions, Oral Sax travels the globe seeking high stakes thrills and the most exotic of women. Known as “Oh God!” among women for his sexual prowess, his international playboy status precedes him in every port. Oral is an award-winning adult film star, erotic novelist, and a swingers lifestyle enthusiast. He teaches sexuality skills to elite patrons in Milan, Italy, and he divides most of his time between a set of shapely female thighs and the mons pubis region.
By Oral Sax
Having been complimented many times on my oral skills, I thought it might be fun and a bit entertaining to share some of my techniques and comments. This is just one set of techniques and all women don’t appreciate the same style.
Many women won’t let their partner go down on them. I have found that this is usually because they fear that the man does not know what he is doing and they do not want to make him feel bad. Most women think men have a fragile male ego when it comes to giving oral pleasure, so don’t be offended if you get turned down. Tell her you have been reading up on “How To” and ask for her patience and both of you could have a great experience.
The Set Up:
My style is to lay my partner kitty-corner on the bed so her head is supported and she does not run the risk of hitting the head board. This position also gives me some room to lay on the bed while my face is between her legs. I fold a pillow in half, put a towel over it, and prop it under her butt. The towel keeps things relatively dry in the event of a squirt or gush and the folded pillow lifts her butt up enough so I do not get a kink in my neck.
I ask my partner spread her legs as far apart as she can comfortably. I start by licking the inside of her thighs and pass lightly over the outside of her pussy. I will take my fingernails and lightly touch her tummy and top of her thighs. I will blow some hot breath directly on her pussy. I will then very lightly bite the outside edges of her pussy (vulva).
The trick here is to get her extremely wet with your mouth and tongue. She will think that she is the one causing the extreme wetness and she will get more turned on. I run my tongue on the outside of her labia and just tease her clit a little: up and down her labia and getting her very wet. I will locate her clit and lightly tease it with my tongue: this typically is the build-up to her wanting more of a touch.
The Main Event:
Once I have located her clit, I work it lightly until it starts to swell and she is aroused. Then I suck on it and draw it up while releasing it for a second in my suction grip. I repeat this method of sucking and releasing several times to make the clit super engorged. Once engorged, I lick the clit in an upward motion with the palm of my tongue, then touch it with the tip of my tongue, and finish off with a flip of my lower lip.
Typically she will be very aroused by now so you need to read her signs as to how much more she wants.
The Secret Tricks:
There have been many times when I have loosened my suction grip and I start humming. Most women have never experienced this. It’s a new sensation for them: the humming vibrations; the slurping sound of a wet pussy; and the touch sensation of your tongue. The more you are pressed against her pussy, and the more bass you can produce in the hum, will drive her crazy.
I like to shake my head/mouth side to side aggressively while just licking and increasing the volume of the humming – this usually brings a great reaction.
The other thing that I do is to ask my partner to use her hands separate her labia. This accomplishes two things. First, it exposes her clit for some direct attention, however, go gentle at first so she doesn’t remove her hands. Secondly, it gives her one more sensation of feeling your breath and face on her hands and pussy at the same time.
The Simultaneous G-Spot:
While continuing to lick and suck her clit I will reach in and penetrate her pussy with one or two fingers. I start by stroking her G-spot and looking for a reaction. Some women like it gently massaged and stroked while others like me to press upward on the G-spot and hold it while I lick her clit. The challenge here is to hold on as she is usually rocking and rolling by now.
When the G-spot action starts, some women will gush or squirt so you had better be ready to duck or get a wet face. I had one experience where the woman squirted so hard that I ducked and the stream went over my shoulder.
I have played with clits smaller than a pencil eraser and have played with several the size of you thumb. The bigger they are the easier they are to play with. Most all clits are equal in sensitivity regardless of size. Oftentimes I will engage the pussy and at the same time pinch her nipples if that is her thing. I usually get a great reaction when I am sucking and have her nipples between my thumb and middle finger while scratching the top of her nipple with my index finger.
My style is to make the woman cum repeatedly but I always backoff and let them catch their breath between orgasms. When this happens, she will once again relax after the orgasm and you can start up again but go lightly at first and then build up to another orgasm.
I have found that once they experience multiple orgasms, chances of them climaxing during penetration greatly increase.
Oral is busy researching and writing his next post on navigating the adult lifestyle circuit.
I’m flushing details on some interesting content coming this fall. I’m soliciting guest posts from readers, I have some educational material about female orgasm, and I’ll add a few sprinkles from the fall spice cabinet.
I hear many stories from the guys about how they love to try and please their partners sexually, but the ladies aren’t speaking up about what they like. Oftentimes, guys feel like they are “winging it,” hoping she’s enjoying the encounter without really knowing for certain what she likes.
In an earlier post, I discussed how important it is for the ladies to first learn what turns them on through personal masturbation, then communicate these goodies to their partners. Women are 50 percent responsible for their own pleasure. You can’t knock the guys for trying, and having to “wing it” as one reader suggests. Stay tuned for one reader’s perspective on this.
I’m also working on a post about why some women don’t like receiving oral sex and I’m soliciting reader comment on this topic. Please email me at Callme@Sexualista.net or AriesBlake4@gmail.com with any thoughts or comments you have on these topics.
I’ve been holding out on this topic, but it’s time to delve into some Lifestyle material …. you know, those wild Swingers who appear as foreign, scary types to many vanilla folks. They are your neighbors, your parents, your best friends, and the kids’ coach. The swinging lifestyle is HUGE in this country and gaining popularity every year as more couples experiment with non-monogamy and enjoy thrilling sex lives.
As I reorganize my fall lineup, I hope you’ll stick around for all the fun, mayhem, and hopefully, enjoyable meaningful content for you.
As always, my email mailbox welcomes your comments and suggestions! If you want to be notified of new blog posts, please send me your email address for my mailing list. My eyes only – no spam!
Sexualista – No Secretsis now listed on Kinkly.com as one of their “Top Sex Blogs on the Web!” You might enjoy browsing the numerous sex blogs listed in the site’s Sex Blog Directory. I’m thrilled to be a part of a growing community of sex-positive bloggers trying to fuel a modern sexual revolution.
If you enjoy my blog, would you consider voting for it in the Sex Blog Superheroes contest on Kinkly.com? Many thanks for your support!
I’ve postponed this item to ponder new information and twists on the topic. I now believe an emotionally healthy guy can be the total package: an alpha leader, a compassionate soul, and a sensual, creative and giving lover. I think the sum of these traits may be acquired skills in some cases, and I like to think these alpha men are more numerous than rare.
Having met a man possessing these traits threw a twist into my notion that alpha men lack one or more of the characteristics I seek in strong, desirable males. Life is all about savoring those unexpected epiphanies and this post is hereby tabled pending further in-depth study of the test subject.